behind the mask
by lovina romano vargas
Summary: maybe italy is not as happy as he seems sorry about the title it's different in the story because a changed it later
1. Chapter 1

**Title: the letter**

**Summary: Italy's true feelings come out and Romano will stop at nothing to keep his brother from getting hurt even if his brother is hurting himself.**

**Warnings: depressed Italy and near death of a character **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia no matter how much I wish I did**

**Ok, I hope you like this and I might have a few grammar errors I wrote this at like 2:00a.m. and I know it's really sad but I wrote it while I was listening to sad music so yea….either way I'll stop boring you and let you enjoy the story.**

_To all other nations,_

_I am Feliciano Vargas or you may know me better as Italy. Either way you all think I am a ditsy thoughtless child but none of you have ever looked at it through my eyes. I have had a hard life of pain and loneliness it all started after my part of the country was under Austria's control. That was bad but I could take it. Things started looking up when I fell in love with holy Rome; I loved him so much. Then came the day he left. It hurt so much but I kept smiling. When I moved out of Austria's I had a pretty normal life for a nation. Then came World War one I lost about 600,000 people after that I started losing it I hid inside my mind I let myself believe it was all ok. Even in world war two I allied with Germany and japan I fought but I was always stuck in my own little world, willing all the evil around me to go away but it never did you all say I'm out of touch but I know what's out there, evil and anger. You all still fight you break your friendships and bonds. You step over each other to get to the top, all to gain power, worthless power. In my eyes power is empty, useless it's the abstract idea that you're better, and the sad part is you all believe it. No one will ever see it my way though. I know what you're thinking at this point I'm delusional, crazy but I do think clearly when I'm alone. When I can hear my thoughts, and I decided that the only way to escape the evil is to leave the place it lives. So I decided to take my life if you're at the end of this letter I'm nearly gone so goodbye_.

Sincerely,

_North Italy._

Everyone in the meeting stood still frozen, Petrified with fear. Tears were welling up in a few people's eyes than finally Romano spoke up

"Well come on we can't leave him to die! We have to go find him!" Romano yelled his voice cracking.

"Where would he be?" asked Germany holding back a sob.

"At home I left him at the hotel alone, he said he was sick. Dammit I'm so stupid I should have stayed!" He said falling to his knees shaking as broken sobs wracked his whole body

No one in this room had ever seen him cry.

"We will find him but we need you come on" Spain said kneeling down beside him putting his hand on his shoulder.

Romano slapped his hand away and stood up red eyed

"I know so get up, I slapped your hand not you face" Spain stood up and grabbed his keys off the table. They both ran out of the room skipping the elevator and running down the stairs. When they made it out of the door it was pouring rain outside. They got into Spain's car he put the key into the ignition. They sped down the street and they soon saw police light behind them.

"Damn! Why now of all times" he said hitting the dashboard with his fist.

"I'm sure it will be fine Romano" Spain said trying in vain to calm him down.

The police was walking up to the car in what seemed like slow motion and he finally got up to the window

"Do you know how fast you were going sir?"

Romano sat there clinching his fists as he heard Spain trying to get this over with

"Hey listen to me!" Romano yelled

"Excuse me!" the policeman said with a heavy southern accent.

"You're excused! I just found my little brothers suicide note and we need to get home now!" he said his face bright red with anger.

"Well you should have started with that. It's unsafe to speed like that if you need a police escort we would be happy to help" the policeman said calmly.

Romano was about to go on another rant when Spain put his hand up to his mouth.

"Thank you officer can we go now" Spain said impatiently.

"Oh! Yes of course" they ran back to their car, they drove to the hotel they parked in front of the hotel Romano jumped out of the car the second it stopped Spain and Romano were already to the staircase when the police entered the building they fallowed them close behind when Romano made it to the door he unlocked it and ran in to find Italy laying with his back against the wall he was slumped forward his eyes half closed, blood stains covering his shirt and the ground around him.

"Fretello!" Romano yelled and ran to Italy and grabbed him by the shoulders

"What did you do to yourself, tell me!" he yelled tears forming again

Italy looked up shaking a little he held out his arm they were covered in deep cuts. Romano ran to the bedroom grabbing the sheets of the bed he went back to Italy he tried to rip the but couldn't he grabbed the blade sitting beside Italy and cut two long strips off. He wrapped his arms up really tight. Italy tried to fight back but he was too weak at this point to put up a real fight. When he was sure the cuts were wrapped tight enough he turned toward Spain and the police.

"Call and ambulance now!"

…That night …..

Romano stood talking to the doctors in the hallway

"He lost a lot of blood so he's really drowsy we but stitched up the cuts and he should be fine. You're lucky you got there and did what you did, any later and he would not have made it. If you want you can go talk to him now" the doctor said pointing at the room his brother was in.

"Thank you doctor" Romano said he walked in the room his brother was sitting there with such a sad look on his face.

"Why would you do such a thing, I thought you were going to die you scared the hell out of me." Romano said trying not to cry or yell or both

"I'm so sorry fretello; I thought it was a good idea at the time I know it was a mistake now." He said he was almost crying.

Italy was looking down when he felt his brothers arms wrap around and embrace him. Italy felt tears on his shoulder

"You know I love you never scare me like that again." He said holding back tears

Italy rested he head on Romano's shoulder

"I love you too fretello"

Not long after that Italy was released from the hospital and he acted a little different a little more like himself and everyone watched him a little closer but he was alive and that was what mattered he slowly got better, happier. And life was how it should be.

**Ok so I finished this at 3:55a.m. I hope you like it **

**Please review! I want to know what you guys thought **


	2. Chapter 2

**ok so i decided to do a second chapter on italys point of view and there will most likely be a third chapter about his life after this whole thing so yea enjoy**

**...**

I let the razor fall from my hands hitting the floor. The room was silent except the empty sound or steel hitting ceramic tiles with a metallic clink. My wrists were stinging the tears started forming in my eyes as the cold memories of what led up to this started rushing back like icy water. I sat there waiting, bleeding out remembering it all. It all sounds so cliché but my life truly was tragic. I thought to myself how romano must have gotten the note by now and is probably on his way but I would be gone soon anyway .so I sat there wallowing in my own self-pity and I slowly faded out all of my thoughts slipped into a blur all the pain dulled. And it didn't end there like I planned because instead of dying and going to heaven or hell. I saw Romano trying to wake me up and wrapping my wrist I tried to fight back but at this point I could barly lift my arms. The memory was blurry at this point but I do remember being loaded on to the ambulance and taken to the hospital and while I was in the ambulance I remember Romano crying though I would never bring it up he would deny it anyway.

I remembered this as I layed in the hospital bed romano had just been in here.

"damn" I mumbled to myself remembering that I was going to go back to my normal life and I have a feeling spain and romano aren't the only ones who know what happened speaking of spain..

"hi Italy are you feeling better you scared me so much.. oh and all the other contries were relieved to know your ok, and Germany is on his way now" he said without taking a breath.

"thanks" I said "just send him in when he gets here"

Spain walked put the door. I tried to watch television but I want exactly in the mood for cheesy sitcoms so I just sat there waiting for Germany. He came in around 7:00

"hello Italy" he said walking through the doors his eyes were red and puffy like he had been crying

"hi Germany" I said looking down

"hi Italy..." he said looking away from me

"Are you ok" i said looking at him

"yea...i just have to ask...why"

"you read the letter...stress just got me and...thats about it"i said plainly, no point in beating around the truth at this point

"well...i'm glad your ok you should get some rest. i have to go home" he said he hesitated for a minute then walked out.

then romano walked in again carrying his stuff.

"come on fratello it's time to go. the doctor says your fine just chande the gauze on your arm before you go to bed"

I got out of the bed. my arms felt sore like i had been doing pull-ups for hours.

"ok..." i said stepping towards him. "lets go"

**alright i know this is random to update but i got a cool idea and i'm gonna update this more so enjoy**


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